meditation

Today... on the drive

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It seems as though I’ve completely fallen off of the grid! I have. I know I have. There’s been too many things happening. None that I care to share publicly. BUT, I’m changing. I’m evolving. I’m growing… Sure, I’d like to do a huge catch up for all of you. But the fact of the matter is, sometimes things are just better left unsaid.

I’m a light worker! Officially attuned in Reiki One! I cannot even begin to describe how different I feel. I can however narrow it down to one word.

Alive!

I feel ALIVE!

I wrote a piece in my Reiki Journal this morning about my experience post attunement.

Today on the drive…

Today on the drive to work, everything seemed clear. I step outside and suddenly a huge weight lifts from my shoulders. I can literally feel it lifting. I get in the car and turn on some music. I light a cigarette. I know it’s bad for me. I know I should stop. All in due time, I PROMISE! The music blasts and the sun is shining. It’s a glorious day! I feel my aura begin to expand. Literally as though someone is blowing it up like a balloon. Immediately I smile. Grinning from ear to ear I think… Holy Shit! I’m back! Tears fill my eyes and I say out loud “I’M BACK!” I take another puff… “WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?” I laugh… wipe away more tears… go to take one more puff… and decide to toss it.

I’m so glad I’m back! Please don’t ever leave again! NEVER!

Tribe Sisterhood Campout: 2016

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This past weekend I attended Tribe Sisterhood Campout at Mullen's Farm in Elburn. Going into it, I wasn't exactly sure what to expect. I found myself super "hermit" like, and taken aback as I just observed everything that came to be. I didn't network much. I talked to a few ladies, but I mostly just sat back and listened to conversations. It was a LOT to absorb. It almost felt like a bit of a culture shock in a way - but when you got down to it, we really were all the same... Of same faiths, of same beliefs, of same values. Just all different expressed in our own unique individual ways.

This was my first time camping in a tent. Granted, I've back yard camped in a tent before (or glamped as some of the guys like to tease). But I've never put up a tent in my life... and I've never been on an actual camp site. So that was pretty neat! Something I definitely want to do more of (but only in the cooler months). The first day opened with an amazing opening circle ceremony and then the entire day was filled with workshops.

Photo Credit: Shelli Mullens

Photo Credit: Shelli Mullens

Opening ceremony starts with us in a huge circle surrounding the fire pit. We all join hands and spiral around the pit. Once we are back where we started, we grab our embroidery floss we chose at registration. Shelli tells us to go to 2 sisters whom we have never met and to tie our strings together; end to end. Once we do this, we then take it to one person who strings it through some sort of apparatus before sending it over to Shelli. Once all ends are taken, the end result is a HUGE web which we are all tangled up in. After all ends were accounted for, all of our strings were then connected together, weaved though the apparatus into one beautiful multi-colored strand. 

 

The End Result:

Photo Credit: Shelli Mullens

Photo Credit: Shelli Mullens

Then started the workshops;

The first workshop we went to was about Collective Healing. We were late to the workshop because we lost track of time, but I felt like we arrived at the best possible time to tune into that conversation. Almost like we got there exactly for what we needed to hear. Denise was so sweet and of course everything she had to say was so insightful! This workshop was all about focusing on our basic needs and being able to give empathy rather than sympathy. To be able to recognize why someone is acting the way they are, and to not take on the energy they are giving off; but merely empathize with them. Because, we have ALL felt the way someone is expressing anger or sadness before. 

It was just a lovely talk and I'm so glad we were able to tune into it.

Second we went to the Shamanic Journeying workshop with Heather. This was to me a bit of a "culty" part of the workshops. Honestly, I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I did it. I read up on it a little before attending and thought it would be super interesting to attend. I come from Christian faith, but I am so intrigued by all other faiths that I love exploring and watching.

We set up in a barn. Immediately, I recognized the energy in the room. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't good. I just took note, and took a seat in a spot that called to me. When she began, I just remember feeling really uneasy. I think I even heard "Go Get a Bible" in my mind and smiled and thanked my Grandma Don for being with me. She instructed us to call upon our spirit animals if we knew what they were. I don't; but immediately called upon the Phoenix for some reason. So, we begin with the rituals and visualization and at this point I'm just really on edge. I can feel the energy begin to shift in the room and I notice my hands in a grounding mudra. 

When she finally gets to me, my eyes are softly closed, and I am still clenching my fists in this grounding mudra. I'm holding really tight when I feel as though I'm about to be touched on my back. I keep my eyes closed. She continues and later on starts with the drum. At this point, I feel really uneasy. I feel a male presence behind me and the closer she gets, I begin to feel as though someone is breathing down my neck. My fists are now wrapped around the arms of my chair and I'm white knuckled. She approaches me and my eyes clench tighter. The drum is beating and it's vibrating my entire body. Clenching the chair, eyes tightly shut, I begin repeating in my mind over and over "I only let light in. I only let light in. I only let light in." I must have said it 50 times. Finally, the feeling went away. But about 5 minutes later she decides we need to move from the barn. I overhear her talking about the negative energy and I'm super glad I wasn't the only one that felt it. I don't know what message I was supposed to receive... But that definitely wasn't the way I wanted to get it. Outside, we each took turns beating the drum.

I am not sure I want to do this again. It was definitely an experience.

The last workshop we attended was a Meditaton led by Pavla. This was by far the coolest experience. Also in the barn. I know what you're thinking. But no, the energy was completely different!!! It was lighter... It even seemed brighter in the room.

We began our meditation with 12 rounds of OM and it felt GOOD! The entire thing felt fabulous! Almost as though I was floating. Pavla begins to take us through a journey of the chakras begining in the root and asks us to see a brick red color. As this color finally appears to me, she begins to ask us to visit the sacral chakra. Immediately I see bright orange. A warmth comes over my body and after a while we move to the solar plexus chakra. She calls for us to see yellow and almost immediately again, a bright vivid yellow appears. This woke me from my trans. Not only was it so bright, it was almost like someone was shining something towards me on purpose. I open my eyes to see if that's what she is doing but there she is, eyes closed, still talking us through the meditation. I'm kind of shocked, but amazed and so I close my eyes and drift back into the meditation. We move to the heart. Normally this is green however this time I don't see green. I see pink. She chimes in with describing why we may be seeing pink. It was as if she literally just read my mind and I open my eyes once again. She's still talking; eyes closed. The rest of the way through the chakras, I couldn't see any of the colors. I think by that time I had awakened myself from it too much to get back.. BUT I also felt myself drifting to sleep. So, that could also be why too I suppose. I left the meditation feeling very calm. Which only made me interacting with people even more of a challenge.

After that, we walked around to the various tents and I listened mostly as Caitlin networked and offered her barters up.

For dinner Caitlin and I packed tons of snacks. But I also picked from the potluck buffet. Then after, we returned to our tent to get ready to just chill. As we were getting ready, we were called to the campfire for story time and songs.

There An told the story of Bluebeard from Women Who Run With Wolves. (I ordered the book today). I've heard of the book but that was the first time I've truly learned what it was about. I'm super intrigued and I'm so looking forward to a great late summer read!

An telling the story of Bluebeard

An telling the story of Bluebeard

After, we headed back to our tent and decided to do some tarot.

We each decided to work with the Animal Spirit Deck and then also my regular tarot deck. The questions we asked were;

1.) What was the message I was supposed to receive in the barn?

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2.) What message does my spirit guide have for me.

My Spirit Animal Card: Panther

Literally every single one of my cards, from that Panther card to the 3 I pulled from the tarot deck ALL had to deal with purging. The message was literally as clear as day and I remember Caitlin looking at me after she read the 3rd card to herself before reading it aloud and saying, "You better go home, and f***ing PURGE!" As she read it, I got goosebumps.

So... My new project is to develop a schedule to get everything I want to done around the house. Last year, I made a check list to keep on the fridge for a few months. I set assigned projects to weeks and weekends and forced myself to complete them at those times. Then, to give myself even more satisfaction, I even made a check off box to check it off as we completed. 

I'm going to be doing this to tackle all of these overwhelmingly large projects!

All in all, though I was so quiet and taken aback. I learned so much and I literally CANNOT WAIT until next year!

Love & Light Sisters!!!

Practice Gratitude

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Gratitude meditations could very well be the most powerful and rewarding exercise that we can practice. The ability to develop an attitude of gratitude creates serenity, happiness and bliss. Experiencing a sense of gratitude makes us feel good and the art meditation helps us to a state of deep mindful relaxation.

You can choose to incorporate gratitude into your meditation, or prior to your meditation take a few moments of Pranayama (breath) as you visualize all of the things you are grateful for in life.

When you are ready, lie down in Savasana (corpse pose) or sit in a comfortable position and close your eyes. Allow your muscles to relax by tensing every muscle within your body and letting go. Feel a sense of relaxation wash all throughout your body.

Let go of your thoughts and begin your breathing exercise.  

Would you like to hear me  read this to you? Click here!

Become aware of your natural breath, become aware of your natural and spontaneous breath that moves in and out of your body without any effort. The natural breath that flows in through both nostrils. Notice the feeling of the breath as it comes in and out of your nostrils.

There is a sense of coolness as you inhale the breath. Follow this feeling into your nose, your sinuses, the back of your throat, into your lungs.

There is a sense of warmth as you exhale the breath. Feel this warmth on your upper lip as you breathe out.

Your natural breath flows through both nostrils during the inhale and exhale.

Allow this breath to become longer and slower. Take a long slow inhalation, followed by a longer slower exhalation.

Now make your exhale even slower – notice the slight pause after your exhale. Slow inhale, even slower exhale, and pause. Feel the urge to breath in bubble up inside of you. When you need to inhale, please do so making sure you take a long slow inhale, and a longer and slower exhale pausing after the exhale before you take in your next breath.

Please continue breathing this way for a few more breaths.

Now, go back to the natural easy breath; releasing any control over the inhale or the exhale.

Without any control over the breath, begin to visualize the things in life you are most thankful for. This could be a person, a place you visit frequently, or a material object. Simply focus your attention onto whatever pops up in your mind, and when you’re ready move on to the next. 

 

For more resources on Gratitude Meditations check out these websites;

http://www.gratefulness.org/resource/how-to-practice-gratitude/

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-11776/5-yoga-meditation-techniques-to-help-you-practice-gratitude.html

 

Zen Coloring + Giveaway (closed)

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You’re probably starting to see books such as Creative Coloring Mandalas popping up everywhere. They aren’t new; but they are the new craze! In fact, they’ve been around for quite a long time. I remember going to Borders book store while in middle school and going in ‘halfsies’ on a book that my friends and I would make copies of and color during sleepovers. I didn’t understand back then what I was doing. I just thought I was making gorgeous works of art that didn’t come from a coloring book for a 5 year old.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. I’ve got all these responsibilities and you want me to color? I’ve been there before. The first time I was re-introduced to coloring was in a yoga class where we were given homework. Simple; mindful things to do each week between practices. Then she handed out a coloring page and explained the art of adult coloring – and instructions for completing our ‘yoga homework’. When I picked up the page I thought, “Yeah right! I’ve got work, teacher training, homework from that, classes AND a life. I’ll get right on that.” I think it was partly my initial thought on it, but when I finally remembered to pick it up, I sat down to watch a TV show and brought out my trusty old Crayola markers. Immediately I wished I had found time sooner to do it. It was so relaxing to color. Ultimately it took me 3 days to complete mine. I would just start wherever I left off the night before. What I learned was it didn’t matter how much I did, but in just doing some I felt more at ease.

Here is the finished product from my yoga homework!

Here is the finished product from my yoga homework!

So, what is it that makes coloring so relaxing? Well, researchers say it ultimately takes us back to a time in our minds before we had to worry about making ends meet.

Before we had to worry about what bills we had and how we were getting those paid.
Before we had to worry about schedules and the only true cares we had in the world were when dinner was, and what time you had to be home by.

It does not require the talent of painting, drawing or really any sense of creativity.

Ultimately, this form of zen coloring is the perfect way to step back from the stress of everyday life, be imaginative when you haven’t a creative bone in your body and just relax! The meditative benefits of putting pen (or in this case marker/colored pencil) to paper that offer an opportunity to channel anxiety into a nourishing creative accomplishment.

Well, what are you waiting for? Go color! Print the attachment in your email (if you subscribed) or download your own. Spend some time working on it and post a picture of your finished project. 2 winners will win a Zen color book of their own!

My Very First Mala (and I made it too!)

Hello! Happy January! Sunday I ventured into the city and spent the day with my Ganesha girls. We went to a Mala making workshop at Beadniks, Chicago. When I first stepped into the store, it was taken aback. It was absolutely gorgeous! The perfect sanctuary for stringing Mala beads AND they had some pretty fabulous looking jewelry for sale too. We were each given a tray, and some guidelines for picking out the beads we wanted. What would work with what, and what to make sure we had (and didn't have). The first thing that caught my eye was a Buddha head charm on the front table. I went back and grabbed it. I needed this on my Mala.

Then I started looking over the beads. All of them were so pretty. I had made a Pinterest board with ideas. Everything from colors to patterns to styles. I have to say, with so many choices in front of me; I was super overwhelmed. I hadn't decided on a color going into it and that added to my anxiety. For some reason, I kept getting drawn into the purple section of "the wall-o-beads". So, I knew I had decided pretty much on having a purple Mala. I really liked the texture of having a bigger bead pass through my fingers. It's just less stressful for me to move through the Mala when the beads are bigger. I'm not experienced enough to want spacers - so I nixed that idea. I wanted something with smooth beads, that would easily pass through as I counted. I feel like I hit that on the head.  I wanted beautiful intricate beads, but was also on a budget. So I settled for a solid and then added about 40 or so of the pretty patterned beads. I was so concerned I wouldn't have enough. OR that I would have too many. When I got back to the table, I literally hit 108 ON THE HEAD! I couldn't do that again if I tried. So, after fretting about whether or not I was making the right choice (cosmetically AND for my tight budget this week) that's how I knew it was meant to be.

I chose navy blue string because it complemented the purple without being TOO MUCH PURPLE.  For my guru bead, I chose a brass bead that matched my Buddha head. For the tassel, I really wanted something to pop. I didn't want it to be a sea of purple, and I didn't want to dull it out with a washed out color like white or gray. I wanted a little punch. On the inside of the guru bead, there was this teal/aqua color. I loved it! So, I chose that as the tassel color. Originally I had picked a string that was coated in wax. That was awful. So halfway through wrapping, I changed my mind. I'm pretty happy with the way my tassel turned out. If I plan on making more - I will need to perfect this.

The overall process consisted of arranging your beads, stringing your beads and then tying the knots. The knots were the most tedious. The bigger the bead - the harder it is. The longer the strand gets - the harder it gets. This whole process, after picking out what I wanted took me about 2 1/2 hours or so with little breaks. It would definitely be a great craft while watching TV or listening to a book. When I got home, my hand was a little cramped. Tying such small knots with big chubby fingers is a little hard lol.

Price wise - I paid about the same as if I were to buy one already made. The experience was much more fun though. The workshop cost $35. Then my purchase at the store for my beads and materials not given to us in the cost of the workshop, was around $75 with tax and all.

I'm interested to see what I make now that I semi know what I'm doing. I'll be sure to post anything that I do!

I'm so glad I got to spend some QT with my yoga girls! It was so nice to get together. I am looking forward to more things like this!

All of us, and all of our Malas. (Well accept one) They are all so unique to our personality. I think if we were to drop them in the center of the room, without knowing who they belong to, our instructors could have probably gave them back to each o…

All of us, and all of our Malas. (Well accept one) They are all so unique to our personality. I think if we were to drop them in the center of the room, without knowing who they belong to, our instructors could have probably gave them back to each of us knowing who's was what! :-)

and here is my finished product;